DG Interviews Dan, Part One

I recently interviewed Dan in an office in midtown Manhattan. He was promoting his latest tweet.

DG: Well, it's nice to finally meet you in person Dan, I -
Dan: It's nice to meet you, too.
DG: Thank you, it's...so good of you to say that.
Dan: It's the truth.
DG: (laughs): I'm sure it is. Now, we're talking here today because you've been kind of...stagnant lately.
Dan: Stagnant?
DG: Well, maybe not stagnant -
Dan: No, Dan, don't worry. It's OK. I guess I just hadn't heard someone say it aloud, like that.
DG: Does it make you uncomfrotable?
Dan: No, not really. I guess I don't really feel that way. But you sense it so...
DG: Well, I don't sense it, really, it's just what my researcher handed me. He found it out.
Dan: How'd he manage that?
DG: Twitter, your blog, friends.
Dan: Friends? What'd they say?
DG: Well, Dan, I'd rather not - do you want to change the topic?
Dan: No, no. I'd like to hear what they said about me.
DG: OK. Well, here's one quote: "Danny's best days are behind him. He was funnier in 7th grade."
Dan: Ouch. Who said that?
DG: I really couldn't say. The interviewees all wanted to remain anonymous.
Dan: Typical.
DG: Why do you say that?
Dan: I don't know. I feel like if you're gonna say something about me, I wanna know who it is. They're hiding.
DG: I guess they don't want to upset you.
Dan: It doesn't really upset me, Dan. I just would like to be able to ask this guy why I'm not as funny as I was when I was in seventh grade. Do you think I was funnier in seventh grade?
DG: Well...
Dan: Oh come on, out with it.
DG: I do think you've lost a step, yes.
Dan: Is it because I still do the wallet/cellphone gag?
DG: Not so much that one -
Dan: Good, cuz that's a really good one.
DG: Agreed.
Dan: So...
DG: Well it's more that you're less funny than an asshole.
Dan: See, I don't think that. People always say that to me and I always think, Man, I don't mean to be mean. I don't even see it that way. I'm just kidding around.
DG: But to other you aren't.
Dan: I guess that's true. I don't know. Maybe.
DG: Here's another quote: "He can dish it out but he can't take it."
Dan: Oh, not again.
DG: Is that true?
Dan: I mean, I guess it is, but...I just defend myself, you know? I give one back.
DG: Can't you just let it go?
Dan: I could, but I don't want to. It's not that I'm hurt, I just don't like to hear it. Why should I take things laying down just because others do? They have the option to say, "Fuck you, Grgas" they just don't.
DG: I see your meaning. But it may be tough cuz you're kind of a bully.
Dan: I hate bullies!
DG: I know you do, who doesn't. But that's what people say, that you are a bully.
Dan: Maybe I am. I know that it can come off like that, but in my head it's not playing out like that.
DG: Maybe you've got to get out of your head and see yourself how others see you.
Dan: Maybe.